Broken Relationship? You Can Fix It
Are all your friends talking about what they are giving their “Valentine,” for Valentine’s Day while you sit miserably wishing you still had a Valentine to buy a gift for? That last disagreement sounded pretty final when you walked out and heard the door slam behind you. Is there still a chance that the two of you could make-up and things might go back to how they used to be?
Let’s face it; romance does not always run smoothly, and sometimes a break-up is the only solution, but, don’t give up too soon. Most happily married couples, if they are honest, will tell you that they broke up at least once or twice and got back together before they finally ended up married, so there is probably still hope for you and the one that is missing from your life right now.
By that, I’m not suggesting that you go crawling back like a beaten dog, willing to apologize for things you didn’t even do, just to get the relationship moving again. If you do get back together, it should be as two individuals who respect and really care about each other, not as a couple where one of the pair rules while the other meekly jumps as his or her command. I’m sure you’ve seen couples like this, and “pitiful” is the only way to describe such a relationship.
Here are a couple of suggestions for making up with that guy or gal in your life that won’t require “groveling” from either of you.
Most of us rush back the next day, (or even the same day in some cases), to get things settled. Not a good idea. Unless you are married and living in the same house, you both need time to cool down. Going back too soon may just stir the argument up again and nothing will change.
2. Think it over while you wait.
If we are honest, both parties usually bear some fault in an argument. Decide what your part was and be ready to admit it and apologize. Notice I said, admit it and apologize-not grovel and admit fault for things that you were clearly not responsible for. Think of ways the problem could have been settled without resorting to an argument.
3. Call or send a note.
Ask how they are doing without referring to the argument and say that the time apart has been good for you-has given you time to think. End by telling them to give you a call sometime. That leaves the ball in their court.
4. Wait a little longer.
When you hear from the other person, ask how they’ve been, and try to keep the conversation neutral for a few minutes. Then, if the conversation seems to be going well, mention the original argument. Admit and apologize for your part in it and suggest ways such an argument could be avoided in the future. (Remember, you were supposed to be figuring out some of those ways during the “wait” phase mentioned above.) Then move on. Don’t insist that the other party take responsibility unless they offer to. Go back to talking about non-inflammatory things for a while, and ask if they’d like to do something together soon. From there on, the ball is back in your court.
Jeanne Gibson writes about pets, kids, marriage, divorce, and how to get by in tough economic times from her home in Springfield, OR. Check out her marriage blog at http://yourmarriagecanbesaved.info/
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