Stop Thinking About Your Ex
The dust has settled, the tears have dried (sort of!), and it’s been a few weeks since you and your partner ended your relationship.
Life should be getting back to normal, but no matter how hard you try you can’t stop thinking about your ex.
Wherever you go, whatever you do, there they are at the back of your mind. Taunting you with happy memories of time spent together. Reminding you of all the good times, and constantly replaying the moment you went your separate ways like a broken record.
You know you can’t carry on this way, but how are you going to shake these feelings?
The first thing you must do if you’re to stand any chance of moving on is to identify exactly what you’re feeling. Here are some of the most common emotions you may be experiencing:
Loss – This is the most common feeling to have during the early weeks after a break up. You’ll obviously be feeling the loss of the relationship itself, but it’s quite likely you’ll be feeling the loss of the friendship if you haven’t parted amicably.
Then there’s the loss of physical intimacy, and the closeness that comes with being in a committed relationship.
Anger – Depending on the reasons you broke up, it’s quite possible you’ll be feeling some anger.
Especially if your partner was unfaithful or hurt you in some way. You may be having dark thoughts of revenge or sudden outbursts of uncontrollable fury every time your ex’s name’s mentioned.
Fear – This is another common emotion experienced after the breakdown of a relationship. The fear can be about being left “on the shelf”, alone and unloved for the rest of your days, or you might be feeling anxious about being hurt again in the future.
Confusion – It’s quite possible you’re not even sure why the relationship ended. If it ended suddenly you may be left wondering what went wrong, and whether you could have done something to save it.
Loneliness – When you’ve been in a committed partnership for any length of time and suddenly find yourself single again, you can be left feeling incredibly lonely; even with your friends and family around to support you.
This can also lead to feelings of guilt and resentment, which will also add to the emotional distress you’re already going through.
Mourning For Your Lost Love
The important thing to remember is that these feelings are all very normal. It’s generally known as the “mourning period”, and in the same way you’d grieve when a loved one passes, human beings also grieve at the death of a relationship.
Like any mourning period the feelings are at their most acute in the weeks and months after the break up, however, if symptoms persist you need to consider the consequences of living in the past and refusing to let go of your ex.
Why you have to move on
Getting on with your life may seem impossible right now, but the sooner you “get back to normal” and start living again the more chance you give yourself of a full emotional recovery.
Here are some simple things you should be doing to help you stop thinking about your ex:
- Catch up with friends – It’s not unusual for friends to take a bit of a back seat when you’re in the throes of a passionate relationship. Once you find yourself happily single again you should devote as much time as possible to your friends. Meet up once or twice a week and do something you enjoy.
- Keep yourself busy – This could be a good time to start a new hobby or past-time. Not only will keeping yourself busy help you get your mind off your ex, but you’ll also get the chance to get out there and meet new people.
- Treat yourself – Why not treat yourself to a new wardrobe, or that brand new 3D television you’ve been promising to buy? This is the perfect time to be good to yourself, and to indulge in some “you” time.
- Get dating – While it’s not advisable to begin your search for Mr/Mrs Right the second your ex closes the door, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with going on some friendly dates.
Don’t jump headlong into a new relationship, but take the time to meet new people and have a laugh. Flirting is good for the soul so they say!
Time to love again
The best advice for those recently finding themselves back in the dating pool is to not allow previous let downs to hold you back.
Just because your ex may have been unfaithful, or smashed your heart into a million pieces, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen again. In fact, many people have found the love of their lives immediately after a painful breakup.
While you might find moving on hard right now, and while the thought of meeting someone new may seem like an impossible dream, you have to accept that not all relationships are going to work out.
In fact there’s an above average chance that if this was your first painful break up, at some point in the future you’ll experience another. Love can hurt, but it can also be the most beautiful, joyous, and most fulfilling emotion on the planet.
If you’ve just broken up with your partner, the only way you’re going to have a chance to experience love at its finest is to stop thinking about your ex!
Allie Carter writes about love and romance, and the challenges of modern relationships. At http://helpgettingbacktogether.com/ she and other authors share their ideas for finding and keeping the ideal partner.
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